Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Kickass Movie List #68: The Fugitive

I love The Fugitive. I think my brother and I pretty much wore out the tape growing up. In retrospect, it's sort of an odd movie to do that to, but Harrison Ford gives one of his best post-40 performances, and Tommy Lee Jones is obviously fantastic (warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse).

It's probably not completely surprising that the two of them don't interact all that much (it wouldn't make much sense for them to keep running into each other all movie long), but the first time they really square off, it ends with one of the most breathtaking shots of the 90's.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #69: Cabin in the Woods

Cabin in the Woods is a fun movie. If you enjoy self-awareness in movies, or horror movies in general, see it immediately. That's about as far as a person can go without spoiling a massive chunk of the plot.

It's not so much that it's a twist or even a surprise - the movie fully expects you to be playing along at all times - it's just a more enjoyable experience going into things with a completely blank slate. If you see Cabin in the Woods, you'll be watching a good movie, simple as that.

Especially in a particular scene toward the end of the movie.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #70: Dirty Harry

You already know the quote, you just don't know which one I picked (in fact the fact that it's in the movie twice lowered its place in the standings a bit).

To tell the truth, in all this excitement, I lost track myself...


Monday, February 18, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #71: Up In the Air

I liked Up In the Air quite a bit (which is not surprising, because I'm a fan of Clooney, and I love Vera Farmiga). The leads bounce off each other well, and the script resonates with me.


Friday, February 15, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #72: Spartacus

Another one from a ways back. I remember seeing Spartacus on UPN back in the day, and thinking nothing of it. It's a solid flick, but the part that sticks with people is that one iconic scene regarding a bunch of folk who have apparently forgotten exactly how many Spartacuses there are.

Come, let us gaze upon the manliest tear ever shed.


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #73: Zero Dark Thirty

This is obviously the newest movie on the list and will also be the most recently watched movie on the list. I had said when I started the list that it was solidified, and that no new entries would be added, but would rather be interspersed throughout the list as I saw new wonderful movie scenes. Unfortunately, one of the scenes I had picked wasn't quite as great on another review as I had thought it was, so I took it out and replaced it with this.

Zero Dark Thirty is not an 'entertaining' movie, per se. There's a space between 'respectable' (which implies that I didn't actually like it) and 'entertaining' (which it is and isn't, it's hard to be entertained by a lot of the stuff on the screen, and even the coda, while intense and attention grabbing, has sobering moments that don't fall under the realm of cheap entertainment).

It's engrossing and thought provoking, and the raid in the last hour or so is every bit as good as it's been made out to be.

But that's not the scene that I picked.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #74: Patton

A funny story accompanies this one. My earliest memory of this movie is that my dad really liked it. We were on a road trip to Arizona to see my grandparents, and we had stopped in a crappy motel that had cable - and Patton was playing. I've always been a night owl but for some reason this particular night, I was having none of the whole 'staying awake' thing. I complained to my dad that the movie (and scene #74 in particular) was too loud.

He responded by mentioning that this was a great movie and a great scene, and that I'd like it someday. Then he told me to try to ignore it.

I guess he was right.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #75: Babe

Ah, Babe. A movie about a pig who thinks he's a sheep dog. It's a funny movie with bursts of poignancy. While I wish they would've skipped the idea to have the animals' mouths mouth out the words, there's not a whole lot of fault that I can find here.

Plus, remember that ending?

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Spookymilk Survivor All Stars: Dust Cover/Episode Guide

Well, it's been a while since I did a Spookymilk Survivor writeup. The game is currently in its 'All Stars' iteration - a little over halfway through it, in fact. Not all of the weeks will get writeups, since some weeks wouldn't make sense for that sort of thing (and then there's the fact that I could be eliminated at any moment). So, I guess love it while it's here.

This week, players were tasked with creating a dust jacket for a self help book, and creating an episode guide for a TV show. The book and TV show in question were up to the player. Here's what I came up with.

OVER 60 FULLY ILLUSTRATED POSITIONS!

Are you tired of the same old, white bread sex when you hook up with drunken co-eds? Are you interested in adding a little bit of spice to your love life? Are you really, really into sexual positions named after animal and plant life?

Vātsyāyana's Kama Sutra solves these problems and hundreds more in minutes.

Learn SAFE and EFFECTIVE ways to maximize pleasure and flexibility while also having fun! Everyone can find something inside, from the pimply-faced teen hoping to score a couple quick nudie pics to the experienced Casanova. You'll be having flora and fauna-themed sexings in no time!

Includes complimentary life lessons, including (but certainly not limited to):

  • Relaxing and obtaining girls
  • Duties and privileges of wives
  • Arousing weakened sexual powers via the power of Indian Mysticism
  • Renewing friendship with former lovers

It's time to make love the exotic way. The Kama Sutra can help.

- - -

"With the Kama Sutra, Vātsyāyana truly joins the ranks of self improvement greats like Bob Vila and Dan Gookin. This book is a treasure trove of tips and tricks for both novices and experts alike!"

  • Do It Yourself Monthly, April 2011

"I'm pretty sure that some of these positions are actually pretty dangerous. Then again, if I'm given the opportunity to truthfully tell my friends that I did something called the 'Clinging Creeper' with the waitress from Bennigan's, I guess I'll chance a ruptured tunica albuginea."

  • Overheard at local Bennigan's last Friday

OVER 60 FULLY ILLUSTRATED POSITIONS!

Are you tired of the same old, white bread sex when you hook up with drunken co-eds? Are you interested in adding a little bit of spice to your love life? Are you really, really into sexual positions named after animal and plant life?

Vātsyāyana's Kama Sutra solves these problems and hundreds more in minutes.

Learn SAFE and EFFECTIVE ways to maximize pleasure and flexibility while also having fun! Everyone can find something inside, from the pimply-faced teen hoping to score a couple quick nudie pics to the experienced Casanova. You'll be having flora and fauna-themed sexings in no time!

Includes complimentary life lessons, including (but certainly not limited to):

  • Relaxing and obtaining girls
  • Duties and privileges of wives
  • Arousing weakened sexual powers via the power of Indian Mysticism
  • Renewing friendship with former lovers

It's time to make love the exotic way. The Kama Sutra can help.

- - -

"With the Kama Sutra, Vātsyāyana truly joins the ranks of self improvement greats like Bob Vila and Dan Gookin. This book is a treasure trove of tips and tricks for both novices and experts alike!"

  • Do It Yourself Monthly, April 2011

"I'm pretty sure that some of these positions are actually pretty dangerous. Then again, if I'm given the opportunity to truthfully tell my friends that I did something called the 'Clinging Creeper' with the waitress from Bennigan's, I guess I'll chance a ruptured tunica albuginea."

  • Overheard at local Bennigan's last Friday

K: Okay, it may not have the one big belly laugh, but a lot of this was a lot of fun.  The complimentary life lessons were the star, for me.

I had originally planned on having the writeup written in the voice of a person who thought that the Kama Sutra was, in fact, a homeowner's do it yourself book. It was going to be filled with cheesy double entendres and references to hammering and screwing. I realized pretty early on that I wasn't going to be able to shoehorn the type of jokes I wanted in there without making the whole thing seem stupid, so I switched to a more conventional tone. I do like the idea of Do It Yourself Monthly ranking the Kama Sutra in the same ballpark as Bob Vila and Dan Gookin (who wrote the first "For Dummies" book). I don't like the Bennigan's guy. I think I could've come up with something better there.

Oh well. On the day that everything was due, I realized that I would be best served by submitting the second challenge, as well. The problem was that I had fifteen minutes to conceptualize and write an episode guide, and I'd given it precisely no thought.

Mad Men

1      1-01                03/Dec/09   A New Family/The Tanned Triangle
The cast members are introduced. The Situation ogles some bar skanks, only to find out that one of them is Snooki. The gang spend the next nine days trying to coax him out of his room, where he is huddled in the fetal position, gently sobbing.

2      1-02                03/Dec/09   The Tanned Triangle
Snooki gets drunks and vomits on the Queen of England. After an all-weekend bender, The Situation wakes up in bed beside an aardvark. J-Woww tries to figure out where the extra 'w' in her name comes from.

3      1-03                10/Dec/09   Good Riddance
Pauly announces he's going back to college. The Situation tries to change his mind by throwing him a party, which turns into an all weekend bender. Snooki gets drunk and passes out in the Louvre.

4      1-04                17/Dec/09   Fade to Black
Christina Ricci guest stars as the gang try to fence stolen diamonds, not realizing that the 'diamonds' are, in fact, simple cane sugar. Snooki gets drunk and punches a hobo, who turns out to be Richard Branson in disguise.

5      1-05                31/Dec/09   Just Another Day at the Shore
J-Woww and Snooki decide to build a rocket ship, but have trouble obtaining the necessary rocket fuel. The Situation tries to help, but his definition of 'help' is 'having sex with J-Woww'. Hijinx ensue, and Snooki ends up drunk and on Quaaludes, screaming obscenities at a helpful nun.

6      1-06      106-60    07/Jan/10   Boardwalk Blowups
Some shit happens. Fuck, man. I dunno, I was pretty drunk during this one. I think Snooki might have peed on a cop car?

7      1-07      107-60    14/Jan/10   What Happens In The AC
The Situation plots to destroy modern civilization. Pauly does ALL the cocaine. Snooki gets a gin enema.

8      1-08      108-60    14/Jan/10   One Shot
Meet Grady, a twenty-nine year old construction worker. After coming home from a hard day's work he walks in the door of his trailer park home to find his wife in bed with another man.

9      1-09                21/Jan/10   That's How The Shore Goes
J-Woww and Pauly are now in full production in the new lab and are easily producing the 200 lbs per week of meth, as agreed. Fearing for their lives, they hatch a plan to eliminate The Situation, who is growing increasingly neurotic and dangerous. Snooki gets drunk and flashes a group of kindergartners.

K: A fairly bizarre take on the challenge that I didn’t put together immediately (and I’m only half-sure I get now; are these Mad Men episode titles?).  I’m really not the target market for this one, as I’ve never seen Jersey Shore.  Well, I saw five minutes once.  I was mystified; how the hell can it actually be a show?

So... I came up with that. First off, the Mad Men at the top is entirely extraneous and dumb, as this is a fake episode guide for Jersey Shore. I have not seen more than five combined minutes of the Jersey Shore (though I guess I've seen enough clips on The Soup to have a decent idea of the premise). I took the actual episode airing dates and titles from a Jersey Shore episode guide (such a thing exists), and made up fake episode recaps. I was running short on time (again, only fifteen minutes), so I threw as many references to stupid shit as possible.

Episode eight is just the intro to the third verse of "Guilty Conscience" by Eminem. Episode nine is essentially Breaking Bad with different people (plus Snooki flashing kindergartners). The jokes are cheap and I'm not a fan of it on any level other than the absurd, but whatever.

Kickass Movie Scene List #76: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Just about everyone who's seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail has at least one or two scenes that stick out for them. I'm no different (though I doubt this particular scene is the one that tops most people's list).

The Black Knight is funny, but after hearing it quoted approximately eight billion times, I've tired of it. The Knights Who Say Ni were never particularly funny. Castle Anthrax is a great bit, but not quite as great as this...


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #77: Watchmen

Watchmen is a mess. It's an interesting mess at times, but also a rather complete one. I only read the famed graphic novel that the movie is based on after the fact, and I must say, both have similar faults - just in different directions.

Regardless, I was definitely a fan of one scene in particular.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #78: Austin Powers

Today's moment (or Monday's moment, rather... scheduling screwup) comes to us from the first Austin Powers movie. I like the series (though Goldmember is pretty dire), but the first one is a fun spoof on one of my favorite movie series.

The scene that makes the countdown is very unlikely to be whichever one you're thinking of.


Friday, February 1, 2013

Kickass Movie Scene List #79: Dumbo

Yeah. You read that right.

The barely-over-an-hour movie about the elephant with big ears. I don't even care for the movie that much, I didn't even like it as a kid. But it has one scene that absolutely held my attention, both then and now.