Not 100:The Cornfield Flare

As I go through my list proper, I'll continue to mention scenes that didn't make the list. A vast majority of these will be from movies that I watched after I solidified the list. A couple will just be scenes that are interesting, but not necessarily 'Top 100' worthy.

Today's moment is one of those moments.

In 1998, my two cousins, my brother, and I got together with a video camera and a vision - beat boredom by making a movie. We decided that the movie would be about a resort owner who was also a serial killer. We all took turns writing, directing, shooting, and acting. All was done on the fly - we'd get done shooting a scene then plan what to do with the next scene. The final product was terrible. We had absolutely no idea what we were doing. Out the fifteen or so scenes in the final product, there were maybe two times where we decided that a scene was so incredibly awful as to require a second take. We could've probably used more.

The 'best' scene was set by our family's barn. Everybody was getting bored of the whole process by then, so it was agreed that an extended (and extremely nonsensical) shootout scene was needed. We had toy guns, but we decided that wasn't good enough, so for special effects, we put bottle rockets into the barrels and aimed them at each other. Suddenly, our murder mystery was interrupted by five minutes of continuous people shooting bottle rockets and throwing smoke bombs at each other. We meant it in at least semi-earnest, but the entire thing plays out hilariously. There one point where my brother tries to throw a lit smoke bomb into an opening in the hayloft window while saying something badass. He fails three times, before looking directly at the camera with a defeated glance. There's even a moment where I take footage of my cousin and brother lighting one of the bottle rockets with them trying to shoo me off. The entire scene is one big, extended special effects failure. It's awesome.

Of course, we showed our families our wonderful movie, they laughed constantly, but noted that it was probably not a great idea to be shooting bottle rockets and lit smoke bombs into a barn filled with hay.

Sadly, the only copy of The Cornfield Flare is on VHS, and my brother has not as of yet delivered on his promise to put the whole 18 minute affair on DVD and YouTube, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Spookymilk Survivor Podcast - Featuring Me!

Just because I haven't gone on and on about Spookymilk Survivor lately doesn't mean I'm not playing it (I am in fact playing the All Stars season right now). The problem has been that Turbo featured stuff that I wasn't particularly proud of, and last season featured total anonymity, which prevented any in depth discussion.

Luckily, for all of you who were curious to catch up on my exploits, there is now a way.

Kelly started a podcast series where he and a guest discuss that particular guest's Survivor history. Last week, it was my turn. Be warned, I talk a lot, and I have a horrible microphone (I actually stole it from my Playstation SingStar game, so... points for versatility?).

Feast your ears, and be prepared to adjust the volume a lot.

Baseball Predicitons 2011 - AL Edition

So, I promised Jester that this post was going to be up a while ago. The slipshod analysis will prove that this post would be better never than late, but whatever. It's always nice to have completely wrong predictions chisled in stone so that everyone can laugh at them later.

I've flip-flopped over whether I want to go division by division, or just give a basic overview with a couple of thoughts. The latter certainly has the benefit of being less work, while also providing me with fewer ways to look dumb. I think we'll go with one comprehensive post, rather than 6 in-depth ones.

Here goes...

AMERICAN LEAGUE

West

Rangers - 90
Angels - 80
A's - 79
Mariners - 5

No, that's not a typo. The Mariners are only going to win five games. Felix Hernandez is going to have a 1.89 ERA, strike out seven hundred guys, and have a 4-27 record. All four wins will be extra inning shutouts. He will win the Cy Young award, prompting Murray Chass to lead the great "Old School Uprising", they will demand the head of Billy Beane on a platter, because they still can't remember who actually wrote "Moneyball".

The Rangers seem to be the only team in this division that's even passable. I don't see any scenario where they don't walk away from this division.

The A's will be about 5 games back at the trade deadline, prompting their management to go into "rebuild" mode for the 50th straight season.

The Angels will lead the league in spending money on outfielders who will not play in the outfield for an impressive 17th year in a row. That's certainly something.


Central

Twins - 88
White Sox - 86
Tigers - 86
Royals - 72
Indians - 70

A lot of people seem to peg the Royals as a 95+ loss team. I don't have any particular reason to feel optimistic about them, I just want to believe.

This division will be a three team dogfight. I think that the return of Morneau (which, as a massive plus means that my wife will be much more interested in watching baseball with me) helps a lot. I think Liriano's stats should look even better this year than they did last year (he had a .335 babip last year, 20 points above his career average, and 35 above the major league average, that's not sustainable). Getting Nathan back doesn't mean as much to the closer position as one might think (the Twins ramshackle mesh of Rausch and Capps converted saves almost as often as Nathan did in years previous), but it does mean that the bullpen gets another good late-inning arm. The White Sox and Tigers look good, the Twins just look a little better.


East

Red Sox - 95
Yankees - 94
Rays - 88
Blue Jays - 75
Orioles - 70

How much does it suck to be the Rays?

Red Sox had seven million injuries last year, with the additions of Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford, they ought to pull out (but only just) a division title against the Yankees. Somehow the Twins will end up playing the Yankees, and will sweep them in the postseason. Pavano will be the MVP of that series.


MVP - Evan Longoria
Cy Young - Francisco Liriano (I know I picked King Felix earlier, but 4-27 might be a tough pill for some to swallow. He finishes second. Bloggers everywhere riot in the streets, only to be struck down within hours by severe sun stroke and exposure.)
Rookie of the Year - Jeremy Hellickson

That's a Good Plan, Let's Go With It

I've already got this figured out. In ten years, when I'm 35, I will grow a killer mustache/goatee combo. People will, of course, attribute this to a mid-life crisis and a vain attempt to recapture the vitality of youth.

What they won't realize is that I just wasn't awesome enough to properly rock the kickass mustache/goatee combo until this point. It's not a mid-life crisis - it's a mid-life awesome.

While I think I'll be able to grow a sufficiently bushy scrub, it will take a long time, and it will look truly hideous in the meantime. Because of this, if you hear that I've disappeared for about 3 months around the time I turn 35, this will be why.

Oh, Wow.

[11:05] The Nordqui: How's the pete?
[11:05] Pete: bogged down

That might be the lamest joke in recorded history.