Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Spookymilk Survivor X: Misleading Logline (optional)

I phoned it in this week, but in the interest of being thorough, here goes...

The (entirely optional) challenge this week was to write an angry letter based on mistaken impressions of a movie. For example, writing an angry letter to Disney about the half-naked skank in the children's movie, only for that half-naked skank to be Ariel from The Little Mermaid.

Here's what I came up with:

Dear Roberto Lomas, care of MovieMax Video Rental,

I visited your establishment last Thursday and requested assistance from the young gentleman working at the till. I told him that my young niece and nephew were coming by for a visit and that I needed to find a film suitable for a young audience. The clerk suggested a new release called Bambi, and I thanked him and took it home. When I got home with the movie, I took a closer look at what I had rented.

I don’t mind telling you, Mr. Lomas, that though I have never conceived any darling children of my own, I am a charter member of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. So naturally, I find the very implication that hunters drove away from their campsite while drunk to be very upsetting. From what I hear, none of the devil elixir is ever actually shown onscreen, but the fact remains that these men not only shot and killed a talking deer, but then wantonly burned the forest that housed such a delightful creature.

It may be true that I did not actually view the movie, but I made sure my brother Ronald did a bit of research on the internet before I would allow his children to view what I now know to be a despicable piece of propaganda. I find it abhorrent that you would risk showing movies of this type to such impressionable minds. Therefore, I demand a refund, and will not be frequenting your business in the future.

Dorline Persephone Woolsworth

Yeah.... I never said it was any good.

Here's what the judges said.

K: Nice enough, but it broke its secret early, and didn’t have any super-memorable lines to make up for it, unfortunately.

DK: Another pretty good target, although giving away the movie at the beginning probably blunted the impact somewhat for me, and the mistaken belief at the center of the anger here is tougher to buy into than some of the others.

So yeah, I had about 20 minutes before I left work for the day, and I got a little time to write something up. So I came up with everything (including the poorly thought out and entirely absurd  M.A.D.D. tie-in) and whipped it up, just in case there was an immunity to be grabbed. Since others seemingly spent more than 15 minutes writing theirs, there wasn't any immunity to be had, and I had the worst submission of the week.

Oh, well. I almost nonsubbed, so this was better than that, I suppose. Besides, last week's still kicked ass.


  1. I phoned it in harder, and I will not post it on my site.

  2. Yours was at least mildly funny.

  3. I'll cop to loving "Dorline Persephone Woolsworth."