Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Turbo Survivor: Aesop Alteration

Catching up...

Our judges gave us a couple stock Aesop fables and asked us to write a more interesting story to reach them.

Here's mine.

It was the deal of a lifetime.

Well, maybe not of a lifetime, but certainly the best deal Martin was likely to see anytime soon.
Two thousand Silver Sussex eggs were to be delivered that evening. He had happened upon the deal by chance. A farmer had fallen upon hard times, and needed to sell his stock. Martin smiled as he thought of how he had driven the man down from his original asking price. These eggs were worth ten times what he was paying for them. He had lived like a king last night, he planned on doing the same tonight – only bigger.

Rob looked quizzically at Martin. “So, these Silver Essex”

“Silver Sussex” Martin corrected.

“These chicks. They’ll make us money?”

“Lots of money. A week-old chick can sell for up to $700.”

“That doesn’t sound like much.”

“We have two thousand of them on the way.”


“A little under one and a half million dollars.”

Rob said nothing, choosing instead to give a low whistle.

That evening, the truck made its way to the barn that Martin had forced Rob into renting. When the truck pulled up, he impatiently signed the waiver and threw open the locked doors.
The wave of heat hit him square in the face, then the smell nearly bowled him over.

It took a moment for Martin to take in what he was seeing. All of his and Rob’s money being turned into a fucking omelette.

Martin’s heart sank as he called the phone number provided to him by the farmer, only to be greeted with a disconnected number notice.

The truck driver simply spat on the ground and chuckled.

“You know what they say, boys. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”

Stef: Funny and a nice lead up to the saying. I enjoyed the dialogue and the plot. Nicely done!  GOLD

DK: It was pretty straightforward where this was going, but I still found this moral usage hilarious. It was set up clearly but also subtly enough to not telegraph itself too much.  GOLD
Medal Count:  10

Ah! There we go.

I'll be honest. I had no idea  what Silver Sussex chickens were, but I googled "most expensive chicken" and that was the first result. I don't know what the logistics of keeping two thousand chicks would be, but from previously having chickens, I know that even if all two thousand eggs survived the trip, they'd lose a ton of them almost immediately. Martin isn't too good with the business transactions.

I decided to go with something straightforward, because it was late, and I was exhausted from moving the contents of my office in and out so that the room could be carpeted. I'm not at all displeased with how it turned out (I like the dialog between Martin and Rob, and the omelette line felt good to write), but I liked the Fortune Cookie story a lot better. If I'd had a little more snap to it, maybe we wouldn't have lost KG - sorry, man.

By the way, the farmer was some manner of shyster, if that isn't blatantly obvious.

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