...and in figure 2a, we have Joe Carter's game winning home run. isn't this exciting?

From the always curmudgeonly OldHossRadbourn:

"J. Buck is to exciting sports moments what the Catholic Church is to sex: acknowledge that it happens, deny that it is fun."

Chip Caray: Epilogue

I had this post saved instead of posted for whatever reason. Still relevant, and I still think kittens are awesome... so... it gets posted. Joe Buck sucks.

You may remember that I spent a good deal of time complaining about TBS' coverage of the baseball postseason - Chip Caray in particular. Therefore, Monday's news that Mr. Caray and TBS have 'parted ways' makes me extremely happy.

How happy?

Almost as happy as this GIF makes me. Not quite, though... kittens are awesome.



Also, I find it amusing that every time the baseball playoffs rolls around, searches for the phrase "Joe Buck Sucks" skyrocket.

To all those who have happened upon this very blog because of that search string I say this...

yes... yes he does.

Ron Darling Needs Physics Lessons

The Twins were predictably eliminated in painful fashion on Sunday. They got the lead for the third straight game, only to follow the script straight through to the part which called for A-Rod to bludgeon our pitching staff into submission.

Rather than complain about the Twins losing in the playoffs (I had them pegged for 75 wins and for most of the season, it looked like I was right), I'll make fun of the announcing staff.

During the early innings of last night's game, Ron Darling made the comment that ground balls hit on the Metrodome turf "gain speed" as they approach the infielders. Even if that didn't violate the laws of physics, such a field would be ridiculously dangerous. Imagine - bunt hits gaining momentum until, by the time they reach the outfield, they are hurtling at devastating speeds. Fielders daring not bounce their throws on the turf, lest they decapitate the intended recipient of their throws. Maybe he meant that the turf slows the ball down less than grass? Mmm.... no, I'm quite certain he meant it this way.

Of course, I'm being more than a little pedantic, but the team of Ron Darling and Chip Caray (particularly the latter) are quite possibly the worst announcers to listen to. I'm including Hall of Shamers like McCarver & Buck (Joe, of course, not his dearly departed father) in this ascertation. They get facts wrong, they (especially Caray) act as homers for all things Yankee, and worst of all, they bring absolutely nothing to the table. They're certainly not informative, they're just sort of... there (and the way Caray refers to just about every bloop hit as being 'fisted' is creepy to me).

Sour grapes notwithstanding, that was a pretty disgusting end to a season that defied expectations. You can't beat the Yankees by leaving 17 men on base in one game, or by blundering your way out of at least 2 runs by simply not paying any attention on the basepaths, or by hitting a grand total of zero home runs after putting up decent power numbers all year - and guess what......we didn't.

Ah well..... we'll always have last Tuesday's game.

Note: This gets the "Joe Buck Sucks" tag, because boy howdy does he ever.

This 'N That: The Revolution Grows

Fire Joe Buck, Part 2

Jester has joined the cause (look in the second half of his All-Star blog, all of which is a pretty good read). While Buck's calling of the all-star game wasn't quite as insipid as his calling of the Super Bowl, or as flat out nonsensically wrong as the guy sitting next to him (seriously, Mr. McCarver, what are you doing?? Stop now, preferably before the playoffs), it was still worthy of some anger. How this pair continues to get the privilege of calling the big games is absolutely a mystery to me.

Get John Gordon in there, that way every weak popup can be a home run, and every fielding play can be a fantastic one. Or get Dick'n'Bert in there, so that everything can be completely nonsensical and wrong without having to listen to Joe Buck be a douche.

Still Staying Positive

'Stay Positive', the 4th album from The Hold Steady came out on Tuesday, and as I hinted at last week, the result is a very solid CD. Retaining the same energy and wit from 'Boys and Girls in America', and adding a couple of new elements (harpsichord, Cars-style synthesizers, etc). There's not a weak track that I've heard after 5 or 6 listens. Sequestered in Memphis is catchy as song can be, and Slapped Actress might be the best closing song I've heard all year (dare you to not get the chills in the final minute). I'll say it again, it you like rock music, buy 'Stay Positive'.

Because This Post Needed the "Cockflickery" Tag

Congratulations to Justin Morneau for winning the Home Run Derby. Shame on ESPN for the worst coverage of an event in the history of space and time. We get it, Josh Hamilton was a great story, good for him. Plus, what he did in the first round of the derby was unbelievable. I saw a replay of the derby on Wednesday, and it still gave me the same chill. Truly an amazing achievement, but ESPN's coverage of the event was asinine. First Rick "Biggest Ego in Sports Journalism" Reilly was pissing and moaning about Morneau even being in the event. Fine. I suppose most people would've rather seen A-Rod, whatever (it does sort of make him look like an idiot, though).

Flash forward to after Hamilton loses the event. Morneau walks over to congratulate Hamilton, and the reporter walks up and right by the guy who just won the event. That's kind of cold, but Hamilton did just defy the laws of physics repeatedly with his home run shots, I guess he'd be the guy most would want to talk to. Then, the ceremony comes, where they clearly make a mistake and call Justin "Jason" (what, you can't remember the name of the guy who won AL MVP two years ago??) then comes the interview, where Morneau, being a class act, talks about how great Hamilton's night was, which is lucky, because that's all the reporter wanted to talk about, anyway. After about 30 seconds, the interview ends, and it's back up to the booth to whine about how Hamilton got slighted. I agree, the rules should be maneuvered a bit, and Hamilton probably should have won, but this was ridiculous. If you were to embark on a 26 mile marathon, and run the first mile in 4 minutes, no one would be all that sorry for you when you collapsed around the 3 mile mark. Hamilton tried to sprint when he should've paced himself. He was the story of the night, but ESPN made the thing out to be some sort of Greek tragedy.

Congratulations, ESPN staff (Rick Reilly in particular), you have all engaged in cockflickery of the highest caliber.

Fire Joe Buck

Congrats, Cards

Congratulations to the Alexandria Cardinals girl's hockey team. They won the state girl's hockey championship for the first time in Alexandria's history. It was a good game to listen to on the radio. The last 5 minutes were exciting, especially when Breck scored to make it 2-1 with 3 minutes left.

Also, good on local announcers who actually get excited when these type of things happen. Makes Joe Buck look pretty stupid after his near flatline voice during "The Play" during the Super Bowl.

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Speaking Of... Joe Buck Should Really Be Fired

Check out the YouTube. you've seen the play 1,000 times before, but this time close your eyes and try to tell me that this isn't the type of playcalling that would normally occur during the 3rd quarter. It was one of the greatest plays in Super Bowl history, and Joe Buck - whether in an effort to remain cool and collected, or out of sheer flippancy - treated it as if it were nothing more than a decent play.

But... if Randy Moss fakes mooning the America-beloved Packers.... well, that'll get him going.

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While We're On the Subject of YouTube Football Plays...

Somebody remade the single worst play of the last 5 years of Vikings football in 'Tecmo Super Bowl'. Pretty perfectly, actually. Anyone who calls themselves a Vikings fan remembers this one. 4th and 22, and only enough time for one play. Josh McCown (of all people) throws rolls right and throws a touchdown to Nate Poole. There are plenty of YouTubes of this play, oddly enough, but this is my (least) favorite. Bonus for reminding me, once again, that a good anouncer sounds like he actually cares about what's going on.

Seriously... it's bad enough that I have to listen to Joe Buck during the baseball postseason, why should he have to bring his vanilla idiocy to the NFL, too??