Snipers on the Auction Seas (A Tragedy in 3 Acts)

Act I (In Which Our Hero Spies the Item of His Desires)

The Protagonist is perusing eBay. He spies a copy of Quarashi's self-titled debut CD.

The Protagonist: I need to buy this!

Chorus: When last you saw this item, it sold for $90. Your coffers are far too bare for such an undertaking.

The Protagonist: Nonsense! I'd never forgive myself if I didn't at least make an attempt.

Chorus: Then make your attempt, though it be in vain.

The Protagonist: Fifty dollars ought to at least give me a chance.

Chorus: Fifty dollars is a foolish number. It is neither so small as to be sensible, nor so large as to assure victory. Your efforts are both wasted and unwise.

The Protagonist: Not at all! See there? The bid is only at thirteen dollars right now.

Chorus: Four days yet remain. Temper your unchecked optimism.

---

Act II (In Which Ominous Signs Gather)

The Protagonist: I suppose I must tell my wife about my impending purchase.

Chrous: This ought to be good.

The Protagonist: I'm buying a CD.

The Wife: Why are you telling me this?

The Protagonist: It's sort of an expensive CD.

The Wife: What do you mean? How expensive?

The Protagonist: My high bid is fifty dollars?

The Wife: ...

The Protagonist: The current bid is only fifty dollars....wait....never mind it's at fifty dollars.

The Wife: ...

The Protagonist: Don't worry, it's a collectors item - any serious Quarashi fan would pay this much and more.

The Chorus: You talk about "serious Quarashi fans" as if they are tangible things that exist in this world.

The Wife: Are you out of your mind?

The Chorus: Our thoughts are akin.

---

Act III (In Which Hope Is Dashed Upon the Rocks)

The Protagonist: With one minute on the clock, I'm still in the lead.

Chorus: Sixty seconds is an eternity in this place.

{Forty Seconds Pass}

Masked eBay Sniper the first: I strike! Sixty dollars!

Masked eBay Sniper the second: HA! I strike! Seventy dollars!

The Protagonist: Wait! NO!

Chorus: Fifty dollars was already a fortune. Seventy would be too foolish even for you. Will you relent?

The Protagonist: Yes.

The Protagonist: This is ridiculous! The eBay system is built along the concept of a maximum bid being the highest you will pay for a given item. What point is there in this pointless sniping? If the user had placed seventy dollars as his maximum bid in the beginning, they still would probably have won the CD, and I wouldn't have had to go through all this nonsense. I'm sure it saved them a dollar or two, but so what? Stupid. I hate snipers.

Chorus: You are merely angry because it's a legitimate strategy and you're neither wealthy nor savvy enough to take advantage of it.

{PAUSE}

Chorus: Well?

The Protagonist: And what if I am?

Our hero resumes his searches, knowing them to be in vain.

Ten Random: 05/15/2009

You know the drill... ten random songs, links to listen. Let's rock this out.

1. The Hush Sound - Honey (Goodbye Blues)
I really like this song. The Hush Sound are an indie pop band with just the slightest bluesy bend to their music (very enjoyable in concert). This is the best song off of their newest, which happened to be a pretty solid CD.

2. Michael Card - Jubilee (Joy in the Journey)
This is the second CD I ever owned. I was 11. There's not much in terms of non-nostalgic value for a lot of it, but some of it has a certain lyrical way to it. This song in particular takes me back to a certain road trip to see my grandparents in Arizona (during which my parents purchased this for me - I actually requested it for reasons unknown).

3. Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan (Plans)
I guess Plans is supposed to be Death Cab's worst CD. I don't know exactly where that thought comes from, I thought the melodies were excellent, and the best songs rank with some of the best stuff the band has put out. It's not quite as good as Transatlanticism, but matching up to that one is a pretty tall order. This is the opening track from Plans. It's pretty unassuming, building up to sort of a false crescendo before breaking into the truly awesome 'Soul Meets Body'. Still a good song.

4. Broomtree - Sunshine (Maybe This Time)
I really don't remember this song that much. This was Broomtree's "mature" CD - which, of course, means it was the last one they put out. It wasn't bad, and this song has some tasty guitar midway through it (or, should I say, as tasty as guitar riffs get in this sort of music). Decent enough, I guess.

5. Robbie Seay Band - Better Days (Better Days)
I have no idea how this song got on my computer. I can't say I'm really a big fan. Who exactly are these guys? Sort of a really laid back vibe to it.

6. Tom Smith - Cat Macros (The FuMP Volume 3)
Oh. Dear. Lord. Lolcats put to song. Truly these are the end of days.

7. Fanmail - I Want It That Way (Fanmail 2000)
This is sort of getting embarassing. My brother downloaded this while he was in some sort of "Ironic punk covers of famous pop songs" phase. I'm not sure how I came across it, but there must have been a time where I didn't find such songs to be annoyingly desperate attention grabs disguised as ironic detachment. Those days are gone, and this one is a particularly egregious example. Ironic covers are really tough to do well without sounding like a hipster douchebag or a attention starved covers band (for the record, this doesn't really sound like either... I'm just not a fan).

8. Trocadero - Alien Champion (Red vs. Blue: Season 3)
Nice, hazy pop from the Red vs. Blue soundtrack.

9. Martin O'Donnell & Michael Salvatori - Opening Suite (Halo)
Speaking of halo... This is the famous 'choral monk halo chant' with a little bit of original score after it. I like it, but Lindsey finds it to be one of the most annoying recorded sounds put to media of any type. We're talking vehement hatred. There's no quicker way to get her attention.

10. Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle Without Honor or Humanity (Electric Samurai)
Easily on the short list of "shit is going down right here and right now" songs - a list that is topped by Dropkick Murphy's "I'm Shipping Up to Boston", btw. Used to good effect in "Kill Bill", and to absolutely horrible effect in "Dance Dance Revolution: Supernova" (seriously... how are you supposed to dancedance to this??) Hearing this song makes me want to toss on some ridiculously expensive sunglasses, pull out a sword, and start swaggering down the street, shooting dangerous glances at the frightened passersby....and creepy as that sounds, with this song backing it, it would be AWESOME.

I May Be a Heartless Person

...but I found the mental environment I had in my head after reading this article a tad amusing.

Not so much the inexorable slow separation of son and father - which would, most certainly, be one of the top ten worst feelings a person could ever have. It's just that the thought of remedying that separation by shouting Disney catch-phrases strikes me as a little hilarious.

Glad the story had a happy ending.